Gawa- The Story of the Fatherless

Bhutanese movies are usually lavish in length and miser in depth with occasional bollywood cliché. One prominent movie director once told me that anything other than that would not sale in Bhutanese cinema. Perhaps he is right because despite the odds he survived as the most successful director in Bhutan.

"Gawa- The Other Side of the Moon" chose to be different because it has a serious story to tell beyond commercial milage. It was inspired by a true story and it has a mission to inspire true stories.

I won't share the whole story here because I expect you to watch it for yourself because it has a story to tell to each one of us. It throws light on the dark side of the nightly rural courtship culture that men engage in for pleasure. And often it's the urban visitors who destroy the lives of innocent women in villages with their empty promises.

The movie portrays a girl, born out of gang rape and abandoned by her broken mother, in search of her identity and hers is the story lived by many children in our country. These children not only grow without their 'father' but also have to face the humiliation of being born that way. The most heartbreaking point in these children's lives is when they are denied civil registration just because they don't have fathers.

The movies has the potential to change the new generation of men, educate the young women, give hope and dignity to the victims and scorn the men who were responsible. At best it should remove the social stigma against victims and bring about the realization that if there is anybody who should be blamed and who should be scorned it's the men and not the betrayed women or the faultless children born out of it.

I wish this movie goes to my village Yangthang in Haa because there we have many fatherless children who need support to live with dignity, women who must understand their legal rights and know that it wasn't their fault, young women who must be educated, young men who must be changed and some disgraceful men who must be scorned and brought to justices because so far they are proud like a mating bull.

My father passed away when I was a baby and I used to think the same happened with my best friend's father. I used to ask about his father and he would ignore my question and turn away. One day he disclosed his father to me and perhaps he must have regretted later because I laughed so hard. I laughed because I couldn't believe someone else's father could be his father. The man he called his father was the richest man in my village but he was in rag just like me. Much later I learned that he was registered as his brother in-law's son in the census. My friend died three years ago from excessive drinking and in his short lifetime his father refused to accept him, though he looked like a photocopy of the man. I heard the rich man paid the cremation expenses of his denounced son, as if he waited for this very day to extend a helping hand.

The fate of my dead friend is shared by over 25 other children from 15 mothers in my village as far as I can remember and everybody in the village knows who their fathers are including the children themselves. People are open about this and women aren't scorned like in other societies but there is no culture of these fathers helping in raising the children. Some father wouldn't even spare a photocopy of their ID card for the registration of their children yet women take it silently.
In a small village of 50 households we are all somehow related to each other, and by disclosing this story I may become enemy of many but I am ready to face it for the sake of justice for the victims

'Gawa-The Other Side of the Moon' ends in poetic justice where the three men are brought to justice in the most satisfying way and much like the movie does its executive producer RENEW shares about having identified 770 children who received help in registration and in going to school. I hope children in my village are among the 770 who found the means to live better by the grace of Ashi Sangay Choden Wangchuk, the president of RENEW.

Movie Poster

The movie is certified to be screened in all schools across the country for educational purpose and viewers can make voluntary contribution. The proceeds from the screening will go into educating these children.

City with Disability

It hurts to hear that there are over 25,000 Bhutanese living with disabilities, it hurts because though supposedly a compassionate society Bhutan is also superstitious and has lot of stigma. Many spend their lives in hiding either by choice or by force from the family. Those choosing to come out in open and live normal lives are confronted with countless challenges of which one is the structural unfriendliness, which is easily avoidable.

 

Friendly office

There are hardly any toilets, any building, stairs, street or buses friendly enough for a disabled person to comfortably use in Bhutan. Even the streets in Capital city has no provision for even a wheelchair and therefore it's as good as Thimphu banning disabled people from coming out on street. Disability happens without a choice, but when it comes to building structures we have choices. 

Friendly Transport

We speak thousand good words and print thousand touching pictures of disabled people to awaken the society and remove stigma, and the result could be as theoretical as the process is. One wheelchair friendly street could speak more than those thousand words, one bus with seat for disabled persons could show more than thousand pictures, because words and pictures won't quite practically help people with disability move on street and travel in buses.

Friendly Shopping places

Friendly streets

For now our able-society with able-planners and able-engineers could only come up with cities with disability; city that are absolutely unfriendly to our disabled fellow. 

I join the world to celebrate the International Day of People with Disability with all my heart!

Refereeing A Social Fight

Courtesy: oahuleague.com

Last Saturday I was rushing for my evening class when I was stopped by a fight in a rustic local bar. A man held a woman by her hair and pushed her to the ground. He was calling her a 'shameless thief'. She didn't quite look fit for his description but I was yet to understand the story.
I witness the fight from the first minute but I couldn't interfere because I had my adult students waiting for their after-office class.
He went on dragging her around, demanding answers.
Then the woman said, "That's my house too and I have the right over things in there."
The story soon unfolded before me. They were divorced recently after 8 months of marriage. The fight started when the woman, who had moved out, went and took two blankets, which he claimed was his.
I was still weighing weather to run for my class or to be a referee. There were over ten people watching the fight and except for pushing the man out of the bar, nobody said anything. The man went on, "When did we ever get married? Who says you are my wife? I already told you that I don't want you, why are you following me like a dog?" That's when I jumped in.
"Sir, you can't humiliate the lady in public." He was silent. Everybody went silent. "I think your marriage is not working and you have chosen to go separate ways. But there are procedures to settle it peacefully. Have you followed any course of action to settle the matter locally?"
The lady was quick to answer, "No sir, he ran away locking his room when I went to talk with my jabmi."
"In that case sir, you can't claim those blankets or any other things in your house as your until the case is solved because those things belong to both of you. And most importantly you have no right to assault her. There are these many witness to what you have done to her and therefore you could face charges."
By then I was joined by several other elders and the man eventually calmed.
I turned to the woman and suggested her not to do anything that to lead to such fight until the case is settled. And I advised her to seek help from police or RENEW if he assaults her again.
I was 30 minutes late to my class and took another 5 minutes explaining why I was late. Later I wondered if I was even allowed to do that, because I often heard people denouncing the interference in marital affairs. What would have happened if the man turned violent against me? These were some things I didn't bother at that moment but I am happy that I did something wise people won't do. And that makes me a fool!

Father's Name

My father died in 1984, a year after I was born. He shouldn't have jumped into the river, because rest of the passengers survived that fateful bus accident near Katso bridge. I only saw a picture of him when I became 16. Now I am 29, one year older than my father when he passed away but in last many years I had to write his name over a thousand times. From admission form in school, to security clearance form, to job application form,  to income tax from, to promotion form,... every paper on earth seems to want my dead father's name. Sometime I feared it might not let my father rest in peace.
My poor mother gave me the life I am living today, but nobody seems to place any importance in her except myself. No paper ever had a space to write her name. I wish someday we acknowledge the role of a mother in a child's life and ask her name.

My Mother GAKI!

Emotions aside, even if I didn't have a father who held my fingers through life I at least had his name. Let me write it one more time: Lt. Phub Dorji. And some people would read it Lieutenant Phub Dorji. But there are hundred others who have their fathers alive but don't have names to write. These children are victims of so many deprivations in life and the only thing they generously get is humiliation. And I don't think I can write comprehensively on the influence of humiliation on life.

Therefore, I would like to join women activist Kesang Chhoden in seeking government's attention on the 178 cases she brought forth from the dark shadow around Kanglung College. While her demand for DNA Bank may not be easily possible, I hope she has some very practical proposals in place to take the matter ahead. Government should be wise enough not to try and justify the legitimacy of the children or defend itself, rather join the cause for change, so that long after today history will remember them.

Mathematically speaking mother is a constant, no one will ever question the mother of a child,  while father is just a variable and therefore questionable. Finding x can be very difficult and I wonder why all the papers want the name of a variable than a definite constant.

Social Stigma- Can we afford one more?

Every once in a long while there comes a disease that changes the fate of millions and test the rest of mankind. The last such disease was leprosy that infected the human civilization for over 4000 years. This disease divided human race into two, human and leper. The leprosy stigma was so strong that lepers were forced segregated and quarantined, deprived of basic rights and warmth. In medieval times sufferers were worn leper bells, like cowbells, to signal their presence. Even in recent times, after the disease became treatable, lepers suffered equally strong stigma- termination from jobs, ban from public places, deprivation of healthcare and worse of all their families giving up on them.

Leper Bell! (Picture:: Wikipedia)

Bhutan has its own history of leprosy; stigma drove sufferers into isolation into the remote caves to wait for their ends. One such recorded history is that of Gelong Ma Pema's. Even today, after all the education, medical breakthrough, and understanding nobody wants to be associated with a leper; the stigma finds it hard to leave the society that has it rooted deep within its .
The bacterial disease is finally gone, or as good as gone but a virus has come and it's given a very technical name- HIV AIDS. Like I said, every once in a long while comes a disease that changes the fate of millions and test the rest of mankind- while leprosy surely changed the fate of millions but the rest of mankind failed the test. Now the time has come for another test, AIDS has changed the fate of millions but will the rest of us repeat the same mistake of depriving the sufferers of our love and compassion? Are we going to force segregate and isolate them in social caves? Are we going to wear them virtual cowbells?
Let us realize that the disease hasn't come for nothing, it's god's way of testing mankind of our virtues. If we are going to repeat what we have done to lepers with AIDS patients God may never forgive us. It's not about who sees the death first, many people die each day while infected people are living for years, but it's about the emotional support they need each moment of their lives fighting the disease and we owe them that much. Let's not wait for 4000 more years to realize that they are our family.

In two days we are going to see four HIV positives Bhutanese on National TV to share their experiences. We are all waiting with mixed feelings but one thing we must remember is they are sick of hiding and fighting alone. They are counting on us to help them fight the disease stronger and freely.