Life is too Short to Wait for an Abusive Husband to Change

Yesterday by the time I reached home I was ready for a nap because it was a long day at the training centre followed by the long walk back home but I saw my neighbour has taken all their furniture out. I thought the young couple was moving out. Upon inquiry I found out that only the wife was moving out. It sent a chill down my spine because just there months ago I saw them happily moving in together.

She reported that she was assaulted many times, she was almost crying when she said, "Yesterday, he nearly killed me. I cried for help, didn't you hear me?" She showed her bruised body. We sincere apologised for being such a bad neighbour. We assumed that as a newly wed couple they would still be making love. Literally. We misunderstood those late night screams and banging on the wall.

My wife and I uncomfortably helped the wife load her stuff on the pickup along with the three individuals who were related to the young woman. And without a second thought we prepared refreshment for them. 

As I was serving them refreshment I couldn't help saying this to the wife, "We are sorry for not being there to celebrate your marriage but at least we are happy to be here helping you when you chose your freedom out of the abusive relationship." My wife signalled at me to shut up but I went on, "Why didn't you report to the police?" I just wanted the man to hear it. He was actually a good looking man who had a meek smile perpetually fixed on his lips, quite a contrast to his violent nature.

I didn't know who was right or who was wrong, I didn't even ask why they fought at all. The fact that the man has assaulted the woman broke my heart. Who the hell will protect her if the very man on her bed is assaulting her? I could never understand how one could abuse the very person one has chosen out of everybody on earth.

But I was throughly awed by the young woman's courage to walk out of the abusive relationship right away. I have known many women who hung onto their marriages hoping their men would change but the truth is if you don't walk out on the first slap you are just waiting for the next hundred slaps. It's normal to fight in relationships but violence should never be tolerated. Life is too short to wait for an abusive husband to change and it's too personal to worry about public opinions. 

Disclaimer: This post is based on an incident and therefore the focus is on husband being abusive but it can be the other way round too, though not discussed here. 

Following is a story from Miguelon Dell Call about a woman who hung on to her abusive husband. It's widely shared on Facebook.

She's got flowers!

It wasn't her birthday or any other special day.They had their first fight, and he said many cruel things that really hurt her.She knows that he is sorry and that he would not say those things again, because he sent her flowers.

She received flowers again!It was not for their anniversary or any other special day.Last night, he pushed her against a wall and started to choke her.It seemed like a nightmare, she couldn't believe it was real.
When she woke the next morning her body was painful and bruised.
She knows that he must be sorry, because he sent her flowers to forgive.

She received flowers yet again!And this was not mother's day or any other special day.Once again, he has beaten her, it was much more violent than other times.
If she leaves, what would she do?How would she care for her children?
And financial problems?She is afraid of him, but is scared to go.
And she knows that he must be sorry because, as usual, he sent her flowers to forgive.

Today, was a very special day!
She have received piles of bouquets of flowers from all those who knew her and who loved her!It was her funeral.
Last night, he finally killed her. He beat her to death.
If only She had found enough courage to leave,
She would have not received so many flowers today!

My Lost Turtle, The Free Turtle

When something wrong is going to happen you feel the energy from the first hour but because we are just human we can comprehend it only after it has happened. This morning I was up by 6:30 AM, something very strange for someone who sleeps at 3AM, and then by 7:30 AM I sneaked out of home with our pet turtle. I was like a little boy, wanting to let my turtle play in the Blue Pond which my class created in the school.

The Pond

The little creature lost its friend last year and had been alone in the aquarium so far. If he could talk he would have asked us to set him free rather than being alone among colorful stones in glass confinement. I took him out once and promised to take him once the pond is done. Yesterday I changed the water and cleaned the pond to welcome him there. kezang hates my rashness, therefore I ran out when she was still in bed.
The turtle in the Pond was an instant hit, there were students who never saw one in real before and there were teachers who knew everything about it but yet to see one outside TV. Excited kids wanted to touch it, feel its hardness, see it react, throw pebbles at it when I wasn't looking. I said nothing, I wanted them to experience it. There was crowd after crowd around the pond when I left for class.

During the First Outing

I finished my class with VIII C and rush back to the Pond to find no one around, and my dear turtle gone. The boy who was supposed to look after it has gone to his class too. I searched for my turtle everywhere around the pond and soon called off the search hoping the boy would have kept it somewhere safe.
The boy came to me asking where the turtle is, and perhaps he saw the color change on my face. Soon it was toilet break and dozens of students came to see the turtle but the poor thing was lost. Everybody helped in the search operation. There was no clue about what happened to the turtle, given it's speed it couldn't have ran so far from our reach, its hard shell would have protected it from birds and dogs, what else could have happened?
I couldn't go for lunch, because I was answerable to Kezang who has invested so much of herself to the little animal- from feeding to cleaning. It was her companion when I am in school. I snatched it away from her.
But looking at it from the other side, turtles, or for that matter any animal, are not meant to be kept in glass confinement, there are born free and deserve to be free. We humans exercise our supremacy over all species; eating what can be eaten, taming what can be tamed, and imprisoning beautiful creature for life by giving them a sweet name called 'Pet'. My lost turtle is finally liberated, hope it didn't land up with someone else to be confined in glass box again, hope it didn't land up in a dog's mouth to be crushed to death, I only pray that it finds its way to the river to be washed down to where it belongs, where he will find his kind, to play to mate and to reproduce his genes. Bye little one, farewell.

Lesson: I shouldn't be rash, must fence the Pond before I bring in the fishes and other aquatic lives I could get.

"Please Use Your Liberty to Promote Ours"

I loved the movie The Lady because I celebrate Aung San Suu Kyi and I celebrate her bravery. I idolized her ever since I knew about her in high school. I felt proud when later in college I discovered that the brave lady spent some time in Bhutan during her happier days along with her husband Michael Aris. 

Aung San on her way to Paro Taktshang, Bhutan

The Lady is a biographical movie of Suu's life, of her bravery, of democracy that ran in her blood, and of ultimate sacrifice, she, her husband, and the Burmese people made for democracy in Burma. This movie made me understand why Aung San Suu Kyi was not with her dying husband in his last days, which otherwise kept bothering me and my love for the lady. However, the man who took care of Michael Aris till his last breath was a Bhutanese student by the name Karma. I knew he was Bhutanese from Dasho Kunzang Wangdi (@KunzangW) on Twitter and also that he is now in Bhutan. It made me so proud. 

(Update 2021: I now know the Bhutanese student Karma is celebrated scholar Dr Karma Phuntsho, the founder of Loden Foundation and author of The History of Bhutan.)

Michael Aris in Bhutan

The movie ends with an unforgettable quotation from Aung San Suu Kyi, that must have made difference in her struggle for freedom;

"Please Use Your Liberty to Promote Ours"

This line kept repeating in my head for days and brought about a sense of guilt of being free and not having done anything for those who are struggling for freedom. Now that Burma has seen the light, I wish to take this line and use it on behalf of other oppressed people.

Teacher: The Restricted Species

This vacation I have had the privileged of travelling different places and sharing my winter with variety of teachers at the expense of government. I had written program for what was to happen in the classroom and I have even written the report on what happen in last fifty days and how I used up nearly a million ngultrum that spent some nights in my bank account.
However the best part of the show wasn't these rigid official stuffs, they were but the joy of reunion of long lost friends, excitement of meeting new people whom I wish I had met ages ago, the jokes we crack over tea and lunch and the hope and promise of meeting again.
Today I said good bye and received generous acknowledgement from the last batch of teachers. And as I shut down the last computer in Punakha I stopped to reflect on the winter vacation that I didn't have, and from among infinite memories something stood out quite firmly which made me laugh. It's something about the change in human behavior after one becomes teacher, of course it's just my personal theory based on my crazy observations this cold season, that most teachers are fond of tobacco and alcohol.
These two intoxicating substances are the plots of all stories that teachers talk about. It's amazing how many hands come forward at the sight Baba khaini or cigeratte, and how promptly everybody joins you in a bar late in the evening. It's not even surprising to smell strong alcoholic breath from teachers' early in the morning. If you don't drink, and if you don't even smoke or chew tobacco then you are considered a saint or an abnormal teacher.
While I enjoyed the same bloodline I couldn't help wondering why we became so even after knowing all the ill effects in the world. I curiously asked a few of them, some say it's because of the huge population of teachers while I found more substance in the second reason we found- that these stuffs are forbidden fruits for teachers and the human inside us overtook the teacher in us. We are the restricted species among the humankind and therefore we are rampaging into our freedom.

Good bye Gaddafi

The infamous Libyan leader Muammer Gaddafi may so much look like Kadhar Khan of Bollywood but the damn man has the rotten guts of Hitler. I don't know how he loved his people for the last 42 years, but since February this year I have seen how he hates them. This one year has shown how he ruled his country for the last 42 years. And even as he runs for his life he triggers war among his people and promote terrorism.
I am not a sadist but these days I am so much excited to see the old man die. As the opposition force takes control of Tripoli I wish him Hitler's death, I wish him Saddam Husain's death, I wish him Bin Laden's Death... I wish freedom for the people of Libya.
It's just matter of days until we see the dramatic end of the  four decades of dictatorship, so I want to bid farewell to Col. Gaddafi, good bye old man, you are unwanted in this world!